My Dearest Friend

Have you ever had to say goodbye to something or someone you cared deeply about without fully knowing why God removed it from your life? During my second year of university, I underwent a similar experience that, although painful at the time, taught me an invaluable lesson. 

I must admit that I was a painfully shy, sensitive kid who had the most challenging time making new friends. Due to moving very often, I had an even harder time connecting closely with people. So, over the years, my closest companions were my little stuffed animals, yet I longed for a real friend with whom I could talk, laugh, or cry. As the years went by and I began to face other struggles, I remember sometimes sneaking into tiny dark closets, tears streaming down my face, and praying that God would send me just one true friend who would help me process my struggles and bring relief to my pain. Many years passed before I would receive the answer to that prayer, but once I found that friend, I shared every moment I could with them.

As a result, my heart deeply felt the pain when our friendship disintegrated due to distance and circumstances, as bonds so often do during college years. My mind cried out, "Why?!" Why would God bring someone so good into my life who lifted me up not only emotionally but also spiritually, only to take them away a few years later? Why did I have to go through this entire process of finding a new friend when it was so difficult in the first place? The answer came as I wrote the words to this poem.

I realized that though God had granted the longing of my heart, when I received that gift I came to love it more than the gift Giver. I had come to idolize my friendship, allowing it to take away God's place in my heart. I would turn to my friend to seek comfort, advice, and joy rather than coming to God. I could not see what I was doing because I had become comfortable, but it was in the absence of the thing I loved that I found myself clinging more closely to God. I realized that, at times, God allows the removal of "innocent" or "good" things because this vacuum will draw us closer to Him. He desires our salvation more than our comfort. So, if you ever find yourself losing something you've held dear, turn to Him and ask Him to fill that void. He will truly become your dearest friend.