Thy Will Be Done

You may have noticed that a lot of my work cycles through very similar themes. I think this is because I'm a slow learner, and it takes me forever to internalize the lessons God desires to teach me. 

For several years, I've been grappling with the concept of surrender and being able to say, as Jesus did, "Thy will be done." This is mainly because I'm very much the "planner type." I have had a five and ten-year plan for my life since age eleven. I knew where I would go to college, what I would study, and what kind of life I'd live afterward. I had everything perfectly organized in little boxes in my head, but I also had a deep desire to follow God. So, in earnest confidence, I imitated Jesus' prayer and said, "Thy will be done." I had not yet realized that God's plan for my life looked nothing like anything I'd imagined and that if I wished to follow His will, I would have to surrender my own.

Soon after praying for God's will to be done, my life began to unravel, and all the changes drove me crazy. It was not the life I had pictured at all. Still, the desire in my heart remained the same. But the more I prayed this prayer, the more the hardships intensified. It took me years to realize that though I had been praying for the right thing, I had been praying with the wrong attitude. I had not fully let go of my desire for control and had begun to resent God for changing my plans in such a radical way. 

It was in the midst of this experience that I began writing out all my thoughts on the topic of surrender, inspired by the statement, "Thy will be done." These musings were eventually split into two different texts: "In Gethsemane for Me" and this poem. As I pondered Christ's life and ultimate sacrifice, I found the strength to begin letting go. I started to understand that only as I let go of my plans and need for control could I experience complete joy and peace. And though this process is still occurring in my life, I know one day God will grant me complete victory.