Yet will I Trust

When I started on this journey,

All those many years ago,

Bright-eyed, pure, and hopeful baby,

Saying, "Trust, follow, and go!"

Did I know what I was saying?

Did I know what's truly meant,

When you give to God free range to

Mold you, break you, till you're spent?

So when troubles came a'calling,

I was baffled, hurt, perplexed.

"Isn't God good, as I'd trusted?

Is He angry— with me vexed?"

So I struggled in my power,

To atone and make things right,

Thinking that with mere willpower

I could make the pain subside.

Blind and stumbling, softly mumbling,

I created this motif:

Make it right, pray, have revival,

Stumble, fall, cling on to grief,

Have a sparkling revelation,

Stand back up: rinse and repeat.

Many years have passed since that day,

I've been running from that ache,

Disillusioned, hurt, disheartened,

Fearing I'm about to break.

Then one day on last event that

Took and shattered my frail heart,

And I came now face to face with

Hardest question life imparts.

God— all-loving, -knowing, -power,

The Creator, Lord sublime—

Still permits the purge and cutting

Of His called and chosen vine?

He permits the harshest heartbreaks,

He withholds not flood nor fire,

Knowing end from the beginning

He fears not that it'll backfire?!

Oh the pain is unrelenting,

Anger's rising in my head.

Is THIS really what I prayed for—

The fine print I never read?!

Oh, ye mere mortals who wrestle with angels,

Oh, ye poor sinners who come before God,

Dust yourselves off and stand straight at attention,

Before the throne of the almighty God!

Million and one are the mysteries of heaven,

Where were you, then, when foundations were laid?

Did you create with a single word spoken?

Will you be standing when all has decayed?

God's love's unfailing, for He sent a Savior,

His name was Jesus, He died crucified,

He did all that to cleanse your misbehavior,

And give you life to in heaven abide.

God is a gentleman, giving man power

To choose the good or the evilest path,

So from bad seed, yes, much sorrow may flower,

But as His child, alone you'll never walk.

Suddenly, light flashed in darkness,

World reframed through lense of love:

God's not breaking, he's refining

Fitting me for Worlds above.

He's not cruel or fairly distant,

He's not trying to break my will,

He has promised sure that one day,

All my pleadings He'll fulfill.

He's not promised smooth, neat sailing,

Never said it'd be a breeze,

"Take your cross" admonished Jesus,

Trouble comes? Fall to your knees.

In the fire, He's standing with me,

Through deep waters, by my side.

Pain will come, so do I trust Him?

Still choose Him as my life's guide?

Now I've sipped from cup of sorrow,

I've experienced part of pain.

Can I trust the Man of Sorrows

Trust Him even if I'm slain?

Will I trust enough to lay down

All the pain through life picked up?

Now discard my filthy garments,

Let go of the guilt pilled up?

"Though He slay, yet will I trust Him!

He's may Father, Friend, and God!

Yes, I'll choose in spite of sorrow,

To go where He calls abroad.

I'll proclaim His tender mercies,

Share the freedom given me,

Till the day He comes in glory;

All tears wiped Eternally!"